The Chemo Club is so excited to get to know you!!! Please introduce yourself (Name, where you’re from etc.) - What was your life like before your Mom’s diagnosis?
Hi! My name is Lauren Wickham, I am 24 years old and originally from Mill Valley, but currently live in San Francisco. I work at Sephora Corporate in their Makeup Merchandising department and have loved living in the city! I am the youngest of five and have the most amazing family a girl could ask for. My siblings are my best friends, but being the youngest lead me to feel like an only child at times as everyone was grown up and moving out of the house which lead me to be a mama’s girl. My mom was my best friend and we truly did almost everything together. Growing up I was genuinely scared I wouldn’t be able to go to college because I didn’t want to be separated from my mom for that long! My mom and I both shared a passion for dance, and she would drive me all over for classes and competitions. If we weren’t doing that, you could probably find us at the mall shopping (which was my Dads worst fear) or in the kitchen cooking. Overall, life was as normal as it gets.
Bring us along your journey – when was your Mom diagnosed? How old were you – what was your initial reaction?
In May of 2017, I freshly turned 17 and was gearing up to graduate High School, when my mom was first diagnosed with stage four breast cancer. It all came as a shock to my family and left us speechless. Although we were all scared, the strength that my mom showcased through her treatments pushed us to be brave and to keep our heads held high. I remember thinking I would stay home and not head to Colorado in the fall to start my Freshman year of college at Boulder, but my mom insisted that she was okay and that I needed to go. After 11 rounds of Chemo, my mom was Cancer free, for now. Although I was scared to leave my mom, I knew all she wanted for me was to see me succeed and to go experience college and have fun, so I packed my bags and headed to school. My mom was in remission for 2 years, until the summer of 2019 when she got diagnosed with a brain tumor. Seeing my mom so sick from the radiation and treatments was heartbreaking, but once again she never let anyone see her hurt and she pushed through. She truly was the strongest person I know. After the surgery and radiation treatments, my mom went back into remission. Fast forward to the Winter of 2020, my mom started rapidly getting sick, and the doctors tried to put her on different treatments, but this time her luck was slowly running out. Three months later, on March 7th, 2021 my mom passed away.
Who did you turn to as your support system?
During some of the lowest points in my life, I turned to my Family, extended family, and close friends. When you go through such a traumatic experience, you really find your people. After my mom passed away I spent a lot of time with my siblings, and my closest friends who all took turns flying out to be with me on the weekends. I truly am beyond lucky to have such an amazing support system.
Did you do any self-care during this time (talk to a therapist? Read certain books?)?
When it came to self-care, working out became my emotional outlet. I made sure to find time every day to workout, whether that would be attending a workout class, going to the gym, or simply just forcing myself to get out of the house and go on a walk. With the support from my friends and the friendly reminders they would send me, six months after my Mom passed away, I began therapy. Although I was beyond scared to start, I am so thankful to have had my friends give me the push I needed to get in there. They would check in on me every day and give me the gentle reminders I needed to push me into finding a therapist.
What is something you wished you knew as a daughter supporting her mother?
If there was anything I wished I knew as a daughter supporting her mother, it would be that truthfully nothing will ever prepare you for this and learning to take things day by day became so important. I found it really helpful to have open and honest conversations about what is going on with my Mom, so I didn’t create false narratives in my head.
Any advice for other children who are supporting their parents through chemo?
If I could give advice to other children who are supporting their parents through chemo, it would be to smile and be happy around them. Although I was so scared and sad, I tried to throw on a smile and be strong for her. Learn to enjoy the little moments with them. I spent a lot of time cooking with my Mom and writing down all her recipes. We would even just go to the pool and lay out in the sun because that’s what she loved to do. Anything that made my Mom happy I wanted to do with her.
Are you taking any preventative measures to screen for cancer? If so, what specifically?
This year, I went to Eve Wellness and made sure to get my annual screening. If you live in San Francisco, I HIGHLY recommend stopping by. They are located on Union street and offer FDA-approved ultrasound breast imaging that doesn’t have the radiation a mammogram does, leading it to be a safer alternative to those who are younger.
